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            “Some people, we say, have “soul.”  They have loved, they have suffered, they have a deep sense of life’s meaning.  Perhaps most important, they know who they are.”  Some people in this world have seemed to forget exactly who they are.  Everyone’s life is a journey towards self discovering, and figuring out just who you are.  Their life from the outside may seem perfect, but inside there’s a constant struggle with themselves.  In every person there’s a journey to embark on, and a quest to succeed and find ones true self.

            Age eighteen with nothing to lose I embarked on my journey to a new beginning.  A journey of finding myself.  Applying to college I didn’t really have a sense of anything I was just happy to be accepted somewhere.  Traveling to a place unfamiliar, where the people were all so new and different I had begun my journey.  I felt myself become extremely overwhelmed.  After years of comfort and having the feeling of familiarity, here I was somewhere so new.  The need to be accepted made me feel the need to hold back and put restrictions on my own self.

            Throughout our journey we’re guided by our inner selves that can be categorized as archetypes.  According to “Awakening the Hero’s”, there are twelve inner guides who include: the innocent, the orphan, the warrior, the caregiver, the seeker, the destroyer, the lover, the creator, the ruler, the magician, the sage, and the fool.  Through every journey you may become any of those archetypes based upon what your situation is.  After taking the archetype test, I had found my result to be prominently strong in the lover category.

 

            I really feel that it’s a real refection to what I am.  As your journey goes there are different obstacles you must face.  “Without love, the soul does not engage itself with life.” Going through life you need to learn how to accept everything, and love everything for what it is. Love is a gift to be given and received.  When it is shared it is the best gift in the world.

            Coming from a small town where there was never anything new to do, college was amazing to me.  Every person I met had been so exciting and new I couldn’t have been happier.  The anxiety that I once had, slipped away so quickly.  I had people in my life for just a short amount of time that felt as though they’ve been there forever.  There was no one from my home that attended IUP, and in that aspect there was an emptiness that couldn’t be filled with the missing essence of home.  I missed the people that meant the world to me.  The memories that no one else shared were kept to me because everyone just wouldn’t understand.

            Every moment in your life is influenced by others.  No matter if it is a personal or group journey there are always influences that affect you.  To me, I feel that there is never a time where you’re not going through a journey.  You are always constantly discovering different things about yourself based upon the actions you make every day.  Every day is a new beginning.  As cliché as it sounds, everyday could be your last and you need to live it up to the highest potential.  To me I don’t ever way to look back a regret not doing something.  I just don’t believe the future is where you should put your best days.  Today is the day to live it up.

            I had to begin to realize that what goes on now, is something to build my self.  The memories from before where what had made me, me.  Life is constantly an addition to what you once had; it is also something that is constantly changing.  College is a time where saying goodbye to close friends who’ve change through their own journeys, while saying hello when meeting new ones is something that happens every day.  Through this class I have realized that I’m definitely not the only person that goes through these changes.  I am definitely not the only person that goes through hardships or struggle.  There are actually a lot of worse scenarios then my own.  I’ve felt selfish towards the way I viewed my life until I came here and lived on my own.  Pleasing others has always been a constant thought I strive to accomplish with the people I care about.  Though after losing my grandmother while being away has really made me appreciate everything there is I have good in my life.  I had been able to relate this to “Into the Woods” when the baker’s wife had died.  It wasn’t until after her death that the baker had truly realized how much she really meant to him.  How much he had taken her for granted all this time.  When I had received the news about my grandmother, there was nothing I could do. Feeling helpless and alone it was the first time in my life where I didn’t have an answer to my problem.  There wasn’t anything said or done that could make it better.  That day, I became a warrior.  The five hour trip home seemed an eternity that I had to travel alone.  I kept on an act until the moment I arrived home, only to crack and break down to all the ones that really understood.  My family.  At this point in time I transferred from being a courageous warrior to a seeker.  My only goal in mind was to find the good in my situation and build a stronger me.

            The whole situation of building a new outlook on my life and overcoming my struggle had reminded me of Watership down.  The first real hardship the rabbits had to encounter was crossing the river.  At first it felt as though the river was impossible to cross but with help of them all together and the encouragement of each other they accomplished the impossible.  After every accomplishment or journey ends, another one begins.

            The next stage of my monomythic journey had felt a lot like the belly of the whale.  After overcoming the loss of my grand mom, I could only hope there were brighter days ahead. Unfortunately, things kept falling apart.  As the weather began to change from fall to winter my health took a plummet as well.  I drained myself to the point of exhaustion and by the time a month had past I was suffering from both bronchitis and pneumonia.  The state of my well being had been so bad I was hospitalized for an entire week and had been forced to go home on sick leave from school for two additional weeks.  In all honesty, I really thought there was no way I’d make it through my first semester of college.  I began to second guess everything and wondered if I could even pursue it all once I had gotten back to health.  Fortunately, things began to turn around for me.  With the help of my friends and family my enthusiasm rose again.  With the help of all my professors, I was able to accomplish my work and submit the assignments through email.  There was hope, and I overcame my belly in the whale moment with people who really cared.

            Throughout my journey through my first year of college, there were many temptations to lead me off my path.  As many do, I fell into the typical college atmosphere where friends and parties came before the school work.  Essentially, college is the stepping stone to what you want to do for the rest of your life.  To me, it was more about living in the moment and going from there.  At this point in time, I had found myself to be the fool.  Freedom was something never given to me as a child.  So living on my own had been a whole new world of excitement.  I would do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to do it, and there was never anyone there to tell me no.  It was my life now and I was the one calling the shots.  Looking back now, there are things I wouldn’t relive.  But that’s exactly how we live and learn.  Everyone needs to be the fool sometimes.

            I’m now a sophomore here at IUP; I survived my first year as a college student.  I have successfully found the balance between friends, family, and school.  I became the sage while finding myself and the skills I had learned throughout the year.  I am also currently living in the dorms once again and have two of my best friends from last year living with me along with a new girl who’s a freshman, Danielle.  Although we may have been overwhelming at first, I feel that all three of us bring a lot to the table in being able to guide Danielle towards an easier path. You could basically call us her caregiver.  Taking care of her in every way we wished someone would have when we were first here.  It’s important to have people surrounding you that really care for you.  That is a feeling that will always be cherished to me.

            I’ve gone through a lot of hardships in my life, but there is nothing I would change.  What has happened has made me who I am; and this is only the beginning.  As time goes on, everything will and does change.  People you love will be lost.  Friendships you think will last forever, will fall apart.  Unexpected relations will blossom.  And the people that mean the most to you, will never fade away.

 

works cited:

Pearson, Carol S. Awakening The Heroes Within Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find    Ourselves and Transform Our World. [San Francisco]: Harper San Francisco, 1991.

Adams, Richard. Watership Down. New York: Perennial, 2001.

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